T minus 44 days

Status: ill be hurtin soon enough!

I think after today/tonight things will be a bit rocky for awhile. I've decided to stay in tonight and not go out to celebrate Jen's birthday- again. I feel too overwhelmed with schoolwork that needs to get done that I need time to get organized, get everything done, and just to pull myself together. I don't feel like it's that big of a deal because:

1) I went out on her real birthday on Tuesday and celebrated then

2) The people that we haven't seen in awhile were going to come down and celebrate with all but they aren't coming anymore, therefore tonight would be the same people as Tuesday night

and

3) I just really don't feel like it and would like to get a decent night's sleep before work tomorrow morning. I haven't slept in or gotten a full amount of sleep where I can function well in over a week...now, that might not be a log time to some of you, but my body is just not used to it...so when I don't sleep a lot I'm just completely zombied.

Now, the only hard part about my decision is telling them I'm not going out. I know how they'll act. "What? Why? Oh, come on, it's a Friday night, you don't need to do schoolwork." (this coming from 2 people who still have years to go in school because they slack off and don't take it seriously...like me, who because of my hard work am graduating a semester early...which will be after next fall, which means I have to get my shit together now and start being more "grown up" and focused, which I don't mind one bit.)

And when they finally realize I am really not going to go out, they'll shrug it off and then just talk about me behind my back about how lame I am and no fun. Not like I "used to be freshman year." Erika wants "the crazy lea from freshman year" back. And yes, I'll admit, I was a bit out of control at times....most of the time, way back when. I've settled down though. I like to go out and have a good time but I don't like taking shot after shot and puking in the morning and having such a bad hangover that I sleep all day instead of being productive. I like being productive. It makes me feel good about myself, like I'm moving ahead. and I am. So, I'm not the same person as I was freshman year, and I never will be again. People change all the time. I still love partying and being silly with them, just not to the extent that they go to. Too extreem for me. Call me lame, I don't care. I'm just looking out for myself.

I'm a people pleaser, what can I say? So it's only normal for me to be nervous and scared to tell them that I won't be doing what they want me to do. But it's time for me to stand up for myself. I'm in charge of me, not them.

we'll see how it goes!